Silence is golden

I have not much to say yet I feel compelled to blog.

I am now 21 – does this make me a mature adult now? I doubt it. People will still find it necessary to treat me like a child. Whether they mean to or not i’ve no idea, it annoys me though.

Being 21 feels incredibly grown  up though! Though when I turned 18 I felt very grown up … and now looking back 18 is fucking young. So maybe I should grow up a bit … settle down and get married, have a baby … oh no wait … I think marriage is a pointless activity and I don’t want children. I guess i’ll just have to settle for having fun instead, hard life.

Relationships seem to be cropping up a lot lately in conversations with the pals and the fam. I am a fussy cow when it comes to the male species and I do know that, but then why shouldn’t I be? I didn’t appreciate being told that I shouldn’t be so fussy. I am not gonna jump into a relationship with any old person, and to be honest I would rather have no relationship than have one I wasn’t completely happy with.

I just seem to have an uncanny habit of liking people I can’t have. Sucks.

LOL

So funny, yet so true.

I have nothing much to say at the moment.

I miss my bestie and I can’t wait to see her next week

Mmm

I love these lemon chocolates from Thorntons – I could eat them all day. Sadly I only had three

This cannot be good

I am up at 2.30am talking to a guy I slept with a few months ago, who I had a major crush on and who I now talk to most nights on Facebook, about him moving in with his girlfriend and getting married.

Fucking heck.

Hello February

So January 2010 has whizzed by us and we are now into the month of February – a month where all the cool people were born. AKA, me.

January had a few good points. One amazingly wonderful night … but as a whole, not the greatest start to the year. A funeral and just general crapness seemed to be the overwhelming memories of the month.

However, back at uni, some fun times in Harrow and a beautiful boy from West London most definitely brightened it up.

February means my 21st birthday – win! Though also so weird. I remember when I was younger thinking 21 was so grown up. And I know it is a cliche but I don’t feel as grown up as I think I should. Sometimes I do look around me and think that everyone is sodding settling down and I can’t get my head around it … I really can’t! I think I enjoy being young and a student too much sometimes, the idea of the real world is just a bit much. I enjoy living in my own bubble.

The month also brings Valentine’s Day which naturally, I hate!! Stupid day! I am sure I will appreciate it some day … but I am yet to meet a singleton who enjoys it. However if said beautiful boy from West London was in my bed that day I of course would not be complaining!

And it is also a rather important month for that football club of mine. Massive game with Chelsea at the weekend. With them dropping points this evening (Hull City finally prove useful) a win would mean we were right back on their tails and right back in the title race. It will be an interesting game I think. I don’t think a draw would be much use to us … though obviously preferable to losing! I hope Cesc and co can pull it out the bag – it would be insanely epic!

I should really change the month on my Take That calendar … But Gary Barlow is looking ever so nice …

Drink through the pain

After a long drive to Nottingham, a long night in Nottingham and an even longer drive back from Nottingham, drinking through the pain was the only option this evening. Hence why I ended up in Spoons with a large group of people drinking cider.

I am now insanely tired but naturally I am sitting in bed on my laptop as opposed to going to sleep. Duh …

I have been so shattered all day I haven’t even been able to have any kind of emotional reaction to Arsenal being played off the park by Manchester United. I hope this doesn’t mean the end of our title hopes, but it isn’t looking good. If we don’t beat Chelsea then I think we are really rather buggered which is massive shame. All that hard work for nothing. And all eyes turn to the Champions League … no pressure boys.

I feel this blog post is not the best … the tiredness is too much.

Kids buying condoms …

Whilst at Hollywood Bowl in Finchley this evening I witnessed a truly tragic thing in the girls toilets.

I was going about my business and could hear these kids outside discussing how to get the condoms out the machine on the wall … and they were struggling. On leaving the safety of my toilet cubicle I discovered these girls could not have been much older than 14 and were trying to work out how much cash they needed to put into the machine and if they could scrape together the right amount between them. The ‘lucky’ boy who apparently would be wearing said condoms later in the evening was by the door – he looked even younger.

What springs to mind here is that if you are not able to work out how to get a condom from a machine, perhaps you shouldn’t be engaging in activities where a condom is necessary?!

Now I am no prude when it comes to sex, far from it in fact. I could talk all night about it … and often do in the company of Carly and Kate. But coming from the school of thought that having sex for the first time is a big deal (once you’ve done it once, not so much …) it was slightly odd seeing these girls trying to buy condoms. But hey, at least they were using them, could be worse I suppose.

I still cannot get last Saturday out of my head either, for all the right reasons mind. I can’t tell you how I feel about him, because I really don’t know myself. I just know that getting his face, his smell, his touch, his voice … just him out of mind is proving somewhat difficult at the moment. I think he is too attractive for his own good.

On a note not about sex or condoms (!!) been looking at postgrad courses tonight. I know i’ve still got a year and a half at uni but I feel like I need to start thinking about what I wanna do. Pretty sure I wanna stay in London … And I love my course and most of my tutors at Westminster … so staying on to do a masters is looking like a possible option. Or maybe I should take this opportunity to go to City University where I nearly went instead of Westminster? Who knows …

There’s a drumming noise …

… inside my head, it starts when you’re around,

I swear that you could hear it, it makes such an almighty sound.

There’s a drumming noise inside my head, it throws me to the ground,

I swear that you should hear it, it makes such an almighty sound.

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

That is all I have to say.

God put a smile upon my face

God probably did put a smile on my face. But so has a member of the male species who currently resides in West London.

Not seen him for far too long and had a long awaited catch up on Saturday night. It ended up with clothes strewn across the living room and a broken vase but hey, all in the name of fun right?!

It definitely was the highlight of a rather dire 2010. To be fair, he is the most beautiful person I have ever laid my eyes upon so seeing him is always a highlight. Especially when he has minimal clothes on …

And he is staying in LDN town when he finishes uni in the summer. Music to my ears.

My beloved football team haven’t put much of a smile on my face though. A pretty dire performance on Sunday (not enough to dampen my mood though …) and a pretty poor performance against Villa tonight. It would be a shame to let our season fall apart at this stage when we have done so well and proved so many critics wrong. And Arsene Wenger has managed miracles at Arsenal in the past few years and really deserves something silver for his hard work.

No progress with the lip piercing … I dunno if I would regret getting it done? But then I might love it and I can always take it out if I hate it. Eugh, never been one for decision making.

“Long time no speak”

He popped up with “Long time no speak” – I yelled at the computer, “BECAUSE YOU WERE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND!”

Talk about weird relationships … nicest guy in the world though. I hope his girlfriend appreciates that. And he was a lovely kisser … I hope she appreciates that too. I am still insanely gutted that I never got to have him again, we definitely would have had some fun together. But, like I said, I just hope she makes the most of him.

I have aims to be slightly productive this weekend, aka not stay in bed until 3pm. Whether this will happen or not is another story. I do need to go into town and I wanna investigate the piercing/tattoo shop … toying with the idea of getting a lip piercing. Maybe not before the funeral on Monday though … And I wanna do something more with the current ink on my foot, get it extended maybe? Not too sure, just wanna speak to someone about it.

I’ve changed the sheets on my bed, and the temptation to stay in them might just be too much …